


sinful mistakes

by icecreamnana



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Casual Sex, Drinking, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, M/M, Mentions of Sex, One Sided Love, Unrequited, donghyuck is done with them, even if it ends up killing him, jaemin is a bit of an ass, jaemin is bad with his feelings, jaemin is kinda a hoe, jaemin is oblivious, jeno is pining, jeno would do anything for jaemin, not a bad thing tho hes just dumb, renjun is also exhausted, switch nomin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:27:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27926002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamnana/pseuds/icecreamnana
Summary: just two best friends indulging in each other's needs because they live a lifestyle that doesn't allow them much room for any other options. except, they're not just two best friends, and they're not leaving much room for anyone else either for that matter.or,jeno is painfully in love with jaemin, so much so that he would drop anything for him, even when he knows it's not good for him, and even when he knows that he'll wake up to an empty bed, and another night with jaemin in someone else's arms
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	sinful mistakes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [119LSD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/119LSD/gifts).



> ive been resurrected to give you the most painful fic ive ever wrote. youre welcome.

“You know he’s in love with you, right?”

Groaning into his bowl of cereal, Jaemin wished Donghyuck cared enough to see the look of annoyance and disdain plastered all over his now slightly damp face. 

“It’s 7am.”

“So he can’t be in love with you because it’s 7am?”

“ _Donghyuck.”_

Jaemin massaged his aching temple with his thumbs, his back already aching from the thought of the onslaught of work facing him in the coming months. This was the last thing he needed at seven in the morning; a Donghyuck-esce confrontation. Except, Donghyuck’s idea of confrontation was typically just repeating himself over and over without a secondary argument until the victim sided with him. And Jaemin had been Donghyuck’s victim for months now. 

“I’m just saying.” Donghyuck sighed nonchalantly, swirling a knife precariously round his finger. Lately, wielding a knife around Jaemin seemed to be Donghyuck’s favourite pastime, especially since it seemed to have the desired effect on the younger. Gulping and putting his cutlery down, Jaemin shook his head as he placed his finished breakfast into the sink. Donghyuck tutted as Jaemin began washing up, the knife still dwindling round his fingers. 

“It’s too early for this.” Enter Renjun, Jaemin’s only saving grace this early in the mornings before practice. Donghyuck scoffed and put the knife down on the kitchen counter, muttering something under his breath. 

“Pay him no mind, Nana.” Renjun placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and Jaemin smiled softly. It was hard to not pay it any mind though, considering Donghyuck stated the bleeding obvious every morning for the past few months. Sometimes Jaemin became cynical and missed the times when Donghyuck would be on tour with 127 and wouldn’t be up in his business like he is now. 

Jaemin’s stomach twisted uncomfortably at the possibility of his intrusive thoughts being spoken out loud unintentionally, and he shivered. He was knocked out of his melancholy as Jisung and Jeno burst into the room, their clothes dishevelled, hair unkempt and eyes red and blotchy.

“Hyung, why didn’t you wake us up?” Jisung whined at not one of his hyung’s in particular, but at the general population of young adults that currently located the kitchen.

“We could’ve been late.” Jisung continued as he grabbed a piece of toast off of Renjun’s plate, much to Renjun’s chagrin as he let out a disconcerting huff. Jaemin’s eyes briefly met Jeno’s own smiling ones before he quickly tore them away, crunching down a bit too hard on his apple. From his left, he could hear Donghyuck mumble an offhand comment about the pair, but Jaemin was too tired to entertain it anymore.

“Good morning, Nana.” Jeno flashed Jaemin his signature smile as he lifted a cup of green tea to his lips, and Jaemin lost his balance with the apple, his teeth catching on his bottom lip, and Donghyuck cackled directly into his ear. Jeno raised a confused brow, but before he could question it, their manager barged into the room, demanding them all in the studio in five. The group collectively groaned. 

“At least we have the day off tomorrow.” Renjun rationalised, and everyone murmured in unison about the prospect of finally a day of peace and quiet. As they made their way down the stairs into the studio, Jisung rambled about how he was eating at Chenle’s tonight, and Donghyuck was bickering with Renjun as Jeno and Jaemin looked on in silence. It was a comfortable silence, though. 

“Want to go biking tomorrow?” Jeno asked, his arms swinging from side to side, hand occasionally brushing against Jaemin’s own. Jaemin was just about to answer when a booming voice through the speakers announced it was time to start filming, and with a soft smile, Jeno shrugged as he made his way over to his unit. Throughout the whole practice, Jaemin’s heart was pounding out of its chest with the thought of finally being alone with Jeno after so long. He hoped Donghyuck wouldn’t find out about this. But he knew he would. 

As the hours passed, Jaemin began to forget about the question burning in the back of his head, and the enormous elephant in the room that everyone seemed ready to address except the two who it involved. As Jaemin sat down for their lunch break, hidden away in a corner away from all the noise, he checked his phone, scrolling mindlessly down his Instagram feed. 

‘Tonight?’ A single text, yet Jaemin’s stomach lurched at the implications of the text. He glanced around the changing room for any eye on him before typing a quick, flirty response, a smirk on his face. 

“Don’t even think about it.” Jaemin yelped as Donghyuck appeared behind him out of nowhere, his beady eyes reading him from top to bottom. Donghyuck had read the messages.

“Oh, come _on.”_ Jaemin begged, pouting as Donghyuck sat next to him, tossing him a bottle of water with a little too much force. Donghyuck let out a discontented breath, running a hand through his hair as he narrowed his eyes at Jaemin. 

Biting his lip, Jaemin rolled his eyes and shoved his phone back in his pocket, huffing in annoyance, sporting a pout that begged Donghyuck to take pity on him. Poor, horny Jaemin. Well, that’s one way Donghyuck had put it once, very much sarcastically, as Donghyuck blocked their front door to prevent Jaemin from leaving. 

“Jeno wants to go on a date with you tomorrow. Don’t do this the night before, it’s just cruel, Jaemin.” Donghyuck’s previously defeated tone was now replaced with one of exhaustive integrity, and Jaemin couldn’t help but feel guilty. He looked down in his lap, unable to meet Donghyuck’s intense stare. It was too overwhelming, and far too accusatory for Jaemin to bear right now. 

“So you’re suggesting I do it another night?”

“I’m _suggesting_ you don’t do it at all.” Donghyuck kicked Jaemin’s shin gently, but Jaemin knew he meant no malice from his actions, or his words. He understood his perspective completely. He was protecting his friend, it was common sense. 

“It’s not your business, Hyuck.” Sighing, Jaemin handed him back the water, stretching his limbs out as Donghyuck continued to give him that same blank stare he’d been giving for months ever since he found out. 

After that, Donghyuck didn’t speak for a while. For the rest of practice, he seemed rather out of it, which some members commented on, Mark even asked if he needed a time out, but after Donghyuck spared Jaemin a hard glare, Mark understood why. Jaemin hated that everything Donghyuck knew, Mark knew. Of course, he loved Mark, but Mark was a bit of a blabber mouth, especially when he was drunk, and the last thing Jaemin needed was dozens of other men in his already intruded business. 

As practice came to a close, Jaemin felt his phone buzz and he knew he had a maximum of five minutes to escape and not be caught in the clutches of Donghyuck’s rath, but just as he began making his way through the fire escape, someone caught his elbow.

“Jaeminnie.” Jaemin’s heart clenched, and he prepared his heart for the overbearing perfection that is Jeno. Any amount of preparation wouldn’t have readied him for Jeno’s warm and comforting smile, his hands gently tugging on the bottom of Jaemin’s jacket. 

“Biking tomorrow, right?” Jaemin swore he heard Donghyuck snickering somewhere in the background, but Jaemin grinned in response, nodding enthusiastically.

“Yeah. It’s been too long.” 

“Where are you going, by the way?” 

There were only two things Jaemin truly hated in life. The first being fans who stalked his every move, invading his privacy like no other, and the other was the look on Jeno’s face when he knew he was going to sleep with someone. Someone who wasn’t him. 

He could lie. Jaemin could say he was heading back to the dorms early, or going on a run, but the downside of being best friends with Jeno also meant that he saw right through him, and he knew instantly when he was lying. So Jaemin opted for the latter like he always did, no matter how painful it was. 

“Out. I won’t be back tonight.” He winked, trying to keep his composure natural and his smile fixed even if he was witnessing Jeno crumble slowly in front of him. Jeno wasn’t one to cry, and neither was Jaemin, but if Jeno ever came close to looking completely broken in front of him, he didn’t have to cry. Donghyuck’s voice echoed in Jaemin’s head, mocking and taunting him for his decisions whilst Jeno stood from the sidelines, silently breaking his own heart. 

“Oh. Have fun.” Jeno replied coldly, letting go of his sleeve and turning around without another word. Jaemin could see Donghyuck trying to catch his eye out the corner of his own, but he chose to ignore it. It was his life, and he could do what he wanted. 

As Jaemin made the brisk and subtle journey to someone else’s bed, he contemplated all the decisions which led him to where he was now. It wasn’t his fault that Jeno was in love with him, and he just didn’t feel the same. What was he meant to do, not enjoy himself just for the sake of Jeno’s feelings? For many months, yes, but then Jaemin caved and he just couldn’t hold back any longer.

It was okay at first, it was better when none of the other members knew. Days off for them all were far and few between, and Jaemin finally got to indulge in the alone time with Jeno at the dorms. He wished he’d double checked that Donghyuck was going to be out with Mark and Renjun the whole day, he truly wished that they’d been quieter, but unfortunately, Donghyuck had found him quite literally balls deep inside of Jeno on the side of the kitchen counter. Donghyuck had made the pair bleach and clean the entire kitchen for at least six hours after that, and had refused to be in that area of the kitchen ever since.

“It all makes sense now.” Donghyuck had groaned, a goofy smile on his face as he watched Jaemin scrub at the floor. 

“What does?” Jaemin scrubbed particularly hard on one spot, and Donghyuck giggled in a way that almost sounded sadistic, and he knelt down beside him, clasping his hands together mischievously. 

“Why Jeno looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars in the sky.” Jaemin’s perspective and world had come crashing down that day, because of sixteen harmless enough words that Donghyuck had muttered as he forced Jaemin to clean the entire kitchen on his hands and knees whilst Jeno repented in his bedroom. 

Jaemin felt like an idiot. He hadn’t noticed Jeno’s feelings at all, let alone acknowledged them. He treated him the same way he had always treated him, that was just Jeno’s way of expressing their friendship feelings, right? He barely remembered when they started hooking up regularly, maybe it was when they were sixteen and experimenting, maybe it was when they were eighteen and frustrated, Jaemin couldn’t give an answer to the pending question that everyone had because he truly couldn’t remember. It seemed like it had been that way since forever. One or the other would be feeling lonely or just plain sexually frustrated, and they’d end up in each other’s beds with their desires being fulfilled. 

They were just two friends in a sticky situation (literally) where they couldn’t exactly meet many people in between their busy schedules, and they had needs that needed to be met. Jaemin only slept with other people if the opportunity arose, otherwise he’d much prefer to be with Jeno. They both knew each other best, knew each other's wants and what turned them on the most, and perhaps that was the problem. 

Indulging in such intimacy was a scary, risky territory that Jaemin wasn’t sure if he wanted to cross into or not. There were lines, and without realising it, Jeno had slipped through the cracks and barged right over them all. And Jaemin had been completely oblivious to them all. 

So Jaemin fell into a familiar, comfortable routine of sleeping around within a small circle of celebrities whenever he needed to let out the frustrations that Jeno just couldn’t fix. Was it risky? A bit. Was it worth it? Not really. But Jaemin was a complicated man, and sometimes he prided himself on the fact that he was so closed off everyone found him hard to understand. Everyone except the acclaimed root of his problems. 

Jaemin did end up coming back that night, a few hours later, at a time where he expected everyone to be asleep. Except, upon his return, the dorm was filled with lively, intoxicated young adults laying around the TV in the living room. Jaemin scanned the room for Jeno, unable to find him. He wasn’t there.

“Where’s Jeno?”

“A hello would be nice.” Renjun retorted, and Chenle snorted from beside him. Everyone was there, even Mark had graced their presence and was seated in between Jisung and Donghyuck, and yet, Jeno was absent. 

“Think he went out with Doyoung.” Mark waved off Jaemin’s question, gesturing for him to join them. Jaemin was unconvinced, but a little voice in his head that sounded an awful lot like Donghyuck was telling him that it was very rich coming from him to wonder where Jeno was. 

Tossing his bag on the floor, Jaemin settled next to Renjun who gave him a knowing, yet disapproving look. Times like this, Jaemin wished he lived with WayV, at least sleeping with people and or each other was the norm over there. But you didn’t hear that from Jaemin, and especially not from a tipsy Ten who spilled the beans over a few glasses of wine and a very convincing Johnny. It was hard living in a dorm where it felt like everyone was judging his sexapades. Like any of them could talk. Jaemin knew what Mark got up to in his free time, and Donghyuck had no room to talk. 

But that didn’t seem to be the point to them. Just because it was Jeno, now they had an issue. 

“Enough of this.” Mark piped up after a while, pausing the movie as everyone groaned in unison. Jaemin had a sudden urge to bolt out of the room and throw up. If Mark was about to do what he thought he was about to do, Jaemin would leave the company. Hell, enter a lawsuit with SM just to break his contract early. 

“Mark-hyung.” Jisung pouted, crossing his arms as Mark just shook his head, a small smile on his face.

Here it comes, Jaemin thought as his head started spinning and Mark made direct eye contact with him. This is where his life ends. 

“We need to order pizza.”  
Donghyuck and Renjun both turned to Mark in a way that indicated to Jaemin that they had indeed planned an intervention, but Mark had either chickened out or seen the look of desperation on Jaemin’s face and taken pity on him. Just as Donghyuck looked like he was about to say something, the door creaked open and Jeno stumbled in, his body supported by both Yangyang and Doyoung. The atmosphere in the room turned dry as it became obvious that Jeno wasn’t just drunk, but severely intoxicated. Doyoung and Yangyang looked a bit tipsy themselves, but concerned regardless.

“Fucking hell, how much has he had to drink?” Chenle asked, helping settle Jeno down onto the couch as he smiled blindly, half asleep already.

“I lost count after ten.” Yangyang bit his lip anxiously, fiddling with the cuffs of his jacket. Doyoung sighed as he pushed Jeno’s hair out of his face.

“ _Ten?_!” Renjun shrieked, scurrying over to Jeno, throwing out orders to everyone in the room to get towels, water, buckets for possible sick, plain bread and blankets. When Renjun used that tone of voice and looked at you like that, you didn’t think twice about disobeying him. 

But Jaemin stood his ground, frozen at the sight of Jeno groaning in pain whilst giggling and writhing around, clutching his stomach. _Cute._

“Jaemin.” Renjun stated calmly, placing a blanket over Jeno’s torso, beckoning the other forward. Jaemin sat next to him, admiring Jeno’s sleeping figure, despite how drunk he was, and how he knew they wouldn’t be able to go on their bike ride tomorrow now as Jeno would be recovering from possibly the worst hangover of his life. 

“Don’t blame yourself for this.” Renjun continued quietly, stroking Jeno’s arm to soothe him as the mention of Jaemin’s name seemed to stir him awake, muttering a string of incoherent phrases under his breath. Jaemin felt numb, his stomach was already on the floor from anxiety and shame. 

“How can I not?” Jaemin choked out bitterly, tears threatening to break down and cascade down his already red cheeks. 

“Jaeminnie.” Jeno mumbled, his hand reaching out to grab at Jaemin, using all his drunken force, which was not much, to tug Jaemin forward. Renjun gave him a sympathetic look and headed out the room, hushing the voices in the background that were now clearly trying to eavesdrop. Jaemin prayed Jeno wouldn’t say anything obvious. Chenle, Jisung, Doyoung and Yangyang were still, as far as Jaemin knew, blissfully unaware of Jeno’s harbouring feelings. 

“I’m here, Jeno. You need to go to sleep.” Jaemin replied softly, grazing his fingers down Jeno’s cheek, stopping just underneath his jaw to delicately stroke his lips with his thumb. 

“Come with.” Jeno giggled loudly, and Jaemin heard a confused sound from Yangyang in the hallway followed by a harsh insult to _shut the fuck up_ from Renjun. Jaemin sighed as he attempted at withdrawing his hand, but Jeno just brought it closer, holding it tightly, slipping Jaemin’s thumb between his lips, his eyelids fluttering open.  
“I will later.” In a hushed voice, Jaemin glanced over at the door, making eye contact with Donghyuck through the gap who just shrugged at him. At least he wasn’t cursing him out this time. 

“You’re a fffmmm.” Jeno mumbled, his legs bunching up to his chest as he turned himself into a ball, letting Jaemin’s thumb fall out of his mouth, drool dripping down onto the pillows below.

“I’m what?” Jaemin laughed softly, wiping his hand on jeans.

“A fucking _bastard.”_ Jeno stated curtly before passing out completely, his head drooping down onto the floor. Jaemin’s heart sank to the floor, and the sounds around him drowned themselves out as Jaemin lost himself in his own inner turmoil. By now, the rest of the members had gathered around Jeno again and were currently hoisting him up into his own bedroom, and all but Donghyuck left the room.

“You know,” Donghyuck began nonchalantly, kicking his heels against the wine stained carpet of the living room floor, “he’s got a point.” 

Letting out a shaky breath, Jaemin hoisted himself up with the help of the sofa arm. Whether he was on the verge of throwing up or bursting into tears didn’t matter to Jaemin, all that mattered to him was that he had hurt his best friend that badly, and he could never forgive himself for that. This definitely wasn’t the first time, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last, but fuck, did it sting.

“You know, Donghyuck,” Jaemin mused, finally meeting his gaze, “I know.”


End file.
